No strings. Really?

Motives. Such tricky, sneaky, and deceptive buggers they are!! I've been thinking about motives over the past few days. What I mean is, I've been asking myself, "Self... why do you do the things you do for your (fill in the blank) husband, kids, family, friends, neighbors, etc.?" You see, I've noticed that it is really easy to assume that I'm doing something out of a pure heart. BUT..just when I don't get the response, recognition, or appreciation I think I should get from my lofty kindness and generosity, I think the TRUE story unfolds and it becomes obvious who (or what) I'm really serving. For example, say I generously donate many of my possessions to a family member in need. Two weeks later this person calls to see if I want to meet up for a cup of coffee. I say, "Great!" assuming all the while that they want to take me out to thank me for my goodness towards them. Well... what if they never say even a word of thanks?? What if they don't even offer to pay for my $1.88 cup of coffee?? Will I be hurt? Will I feel slighted??

I think when I truly give with no strings attached, then I am free to do it happily NO MATTER WHAT THE RESPONSE. What was that? Oh yeah, NO MATTER WHAT THE RESPONSE.

Now, the above scenario has never exactly happened, but versions of it definitely have. I hate that. It's stinky, filthy, and full of impurity. I don't want to give to get. I don't want to give to influence. I don't want to give to manipulate. I want to follow Jesus and let Him sort out the rest. I just don't want to fool myself anymore.

Meow??

The older I get, the more I've noticed that God tends to speak to me through his creation and the natural order of things. So, a funny thing occurred to me a few days ago....

We just recently adopted 2 cats from the Humane Society. I have never EVER owned a cat before and I was very nervous about it. I grew up with dogs and my husband and I had a dog a few years ago which turned out to be a very negative experience for our family (another story for another time). I seriously thought I NEVER wanted to own another pet again. And I really thought I hated cats. I had never met one that I liked. They always seemed snobby or mean or creepy or something. There was this one cat that my husband's family owned when we were dating. This psycho cat used to attack my long hair. It would launch out of no where and attack my head, scaring me to death in the process. Anyhow, my daughter.... my only daughter really, really, really wanted a cat. So, after a year or so of begging, I gave in.

Well, guess what?? I love my cats. Seriously. I am totally a cat person. I was thanking God for this the other day because I had really prayed that he would direct this second pet attempt. I just couldn't feel like a pet failure again and damage my kids in the process. So while I'm thanking God I suddenly realize that I love those cats because I "get" them. I am like a cat in some ways. God wired me to really like to interact with people... to talk and play and laugh... BUT THEN, I really need some solitude. I need to be alone with God and with my own thoughts. I guess to refocus or rejuvenate or something. That's how my kitty's are. They'll come out of wherever they've been sleeping to see what's going on. To watch me cook, play with each other or play with one of the kids. Then, after an hour or so of interaction, they're back in their hiding places. I know it sounds silly, but God really helped me understand myself a bit more by giving me this analogy.

Who knew? I have the personality of a cat.

me,me,me,me,me,me..

"Most people treat others as their servants, trying to get out of them whatever
they need to be happy."

W.J.
authentic relationships

Digging deep

"We cannot do for others what hasn't already been done for us.
Remember, Jesus' words to his disciples were to love one another in the same
way he had loved them. His words hold true for you and me
today. You cannot forgive others if you are not experiencing God's
forgiveness for you. You cannot serve others unless you know that God is
providing everything you need. You cannot live in kindness to others until
you see God's kindness toward you. In that sense the one anothering Scriptures are
less mandates to obey than they are descriptions of what love frees us to
do. ....That security in God's love is what will free you to live a
one anothering
life."

W.J.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the issue of control. Controlling seems to be the opposite of what Wayne would call, "one anothering." When I am attempting to control other people, my kids, reactions, or circumstances, I can see how that behavior is rooted in fear and is very self-centered. Fear, I suppose, that God isn't going to take care of me and isn't going to meet my needs...therefore I must take the bull by the horns and do it myself!!! Oh, how subtle this lack of trust can be. It is so easy to blame it on the ill-behavior or selfishness of other people. I think being free means not having to look out for myself anymore or fight for my own "rights." When I don't have to do that, I'm freed up to focus on other people instead of myself all the time. I think that right there might be worth anything I "think" I'm giving up by serving others.

"A self-centered life is its own punishment."

W. J.

The original design

"If you have ever shared friendships with others-focused people, you know
what a treasure those friends are. They take an interest in you just
because they care. Their concern is not tied to their own needs and
desires in the relationship. Their care for you demands nothing in return
and rejoices just to see you blessed. They open their life like a
book and let you read it freely. You don't ever have to guess what they
are thinking, because they will come right out and tell you, and they make you
feel safe enough so that you don't have to pretend with them. They offer
their counsel freely but never demand that you follow it. They give you
the freedom to disagree and the flexibility to do things differently from how
they would do it without ever compromising their love for you. Almost
without thinking they would give you the shirt off their back if they knew you
needed it, but they won't always give you everything you want. They look
past your faults and celebrate your promise and offer their help to get you
there. ....Such friends find their origin in God's heart. No one can
love so freely whom God has not first loved deeply."

Wayne Jacobsen

Truly free people have no problem letting other people be free. Am I that free??

Things that make you go, "Hmmmmm."

So, I'm reading this book right now and God is totally speaking to me through it. So much so, that I can't read very much at a time. I read a little bit and I just need to stop and digest the words slowly. I get really excited when this happens, because frankly, every book I go to read is not like this. In fact, for about the last year I have read less than ever before because I sensed God urging me to go to his word ON MY OWN...without the words of another author. This has helped me to become more and more confident in my own ability to learn from God's word by myself (well, with the help of the Holy Spirit, obviously).

Anyhow, I thought I would take a few days or weeks or whatever it turns into to post the tid-bits that I'm chewing on as I read. So, here ya go:

"Even though we want close relationships, we subvert the desire by
holding people at arms length. Poised to protect ourselves from hurt and
disappointment, we think the best solution is to look out for ourselves.
There is no better strategy than this for ending up alone and isolated while
comfortably blaming others in the process."

Wayne Jacobsen

anyway

People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and new enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Be good anyway.

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People need help but may attack you if you try to help them.
Help them anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

-----------------------------From a sign on the wall of Shishu Bhavan,
-------------------------------------a children's home in Calcutta


God has been literally burning my insides with the realization that HE ALONE is who I serve..... no matter what kind of treatment or response I get from others. It is amazingly freeing and un-complicated. This poem floored me because it confirmed so many things that I've been experiencing and resisting, all at the same time.

Not so sorry.

It has occurred to me lately, that I've started censoring the things God is teaching me. You know, softening it up a bit so as not to offend.......or maybe just trying to not sound so "crazy." Sometimes I think that's my beef with blogging. It takes so much effort to be "me" in a way better, politically correct version when I blog.

In the famous words of Dr. Phil, I ask myself... "So how's that working for ya?" I think you know the answer..

So, here's the gist. I have been born again by the power of an awesome, living God. He deposited in me a part of himself known as the Holy Spirit. That Spirit, which IS God, communicates Truth to me in a way that I can get it. My journey as a follower of Christ is dependent on listening to that Voice. I'm floored that an all-powerful God wants to make himself personally accessible to me. Crazy, I know, but it's true. Want to know what else is crazy? If you're born again, the same stuff is happening inside of you. I don't think I'm a preacher. I don't think I'm special. I don't even think I'm always right. I just think that being a "Christian" is that real, that relevant, and that personal.

So from here on out, in my attempt to not be a complete and total blog failure, I plan on sharing my own experiences with Him.