Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Numb

Obviously, from my month-long silence, I have had trouble being motivated to write about anything lately. I don't even know what I'm going to write about now, but I figured maybe if my hands hit the keyboard that something would come out. I think it is kind of like exercise, the hardest part is getting started...

Writing is sort of a love/hate relationship for me. On occasion, it has been a wonderful creative outlet for me and has helped to organize my own thoughts and beliefs. I have had so many "ah ha!" moments of my own while writing. On the flip side, it can just seem too emotionally taxing for me to put my thoughts on paper. Most of the time I am my own worst enemy and talk myself right out of it.

So, here I am. Sort of numb, sort of empty, willing to give it a try once again....


The past few days have sucked (sorry if that shocks you). I have wondered if God is there. I have wondered what the flippin heck is taking so long for our "situation" to turn around. I am tired (sick AND tired to quote Bill Cosby) of waiting. I have been angry. I have cried. Cried really hard. I have wondered if I like people at all anymore (very Christian, I know) and I feel as if I don't know anything for sure either.

So, I am empty of tears and empty of much emotion. I am simply waiting to hear the Voice in the calm that can make it all better.


Well, I guess that's a start.

3 comments:

Tom & Angela said...

As I try to find something good to comfort you in some way I can only think of El Roi, God Sees. He sees and will be our justice. If that can bring any comfort have joy in that truth.

Psalm 139:7
Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? ...vs 10...even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

He sees. He cares. He uses even the hard, difficult and bad things for good.

Love you!

Lisa said...

It's the perfect start. Honesty and transparency always is. I like the new look too. My blog needs some serious help.
I soooo get the exercise analogy. It's a good thing Angela is so encouraging. I'm just sore and confused, which means, not much help.

Anonymous said...

You know I know EXACTLY how you're feeling. I'm starting to think that God is looking down on us saying, "you know what? you've got food and shelter and I don't really care about everything else." And I know that should be enough but somehow...